Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
