I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize