i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
