The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
