After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
