she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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