the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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