She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
did you just send me my own nude
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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