erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Randomize
