and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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