i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
