So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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