he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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