I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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