my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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