Someone shit on the floor
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The power of my boobs compel you
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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