New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
