he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
