So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
