I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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