I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
