soooo we both peed the bed last night...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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