I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
