Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
