I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Drunk is not a location!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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