My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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