I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
