Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
