Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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