Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
