I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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