Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
