My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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