Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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