I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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