Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
