I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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