I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
