I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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