You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
