working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
