I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
