I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
