He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My bed smells like the plague
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
