hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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