I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
