i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Church boner. Awkwardddd
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
