WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
