I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
