dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
