just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
