I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
