"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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